Every so often my wife and I will allow our 4 year old son to sleep in our bed with us. I for one really enjoy this time. I know they won't last forever. I love just cuddling with him as we both drift off to sleep.
Last night was one of those nights. We're lying in bed and very tired. Chase says, "I don't know how to go to sleep." I laughed and replied, "I'll teach you. Here's what you do. First you have to keep your eyes closed. Second you have to lay perfectly still and third, you can't talk." What does he do? Everything I just told him not to do. He said I can't go to sleep. A few moments later as I'm on the edge of total sleep he says, "Daddy, I'm sleepy now." "Ok son, go to sleep" was my reply.
Then as I'm just about to enter the land of total sleep again, he says, "Daddy, I don't want to be a train engineer."
Because he has such a fascination for trains, I always call him my little engineer. I joke with him that he'll probably grow up and be a train engineer. Last night just as we were both falling asleep, he made it very clear that he didn't want to be a train engineer.
I said to him, "Ok son, you don't have to be a train engineer. God will show you want He wants you to be and you'll be the best at whatever that is going to be." With that, I settled back in to find my sleep again. Well, he wasn't done. A few moments later he begins telling me why he didn't want to be a train engineer.
He said, "Daddy, I don't want to be an engineer because I don't know how to pull the brake and I'm scared."
I laughed a little bit, told him it's ok and we wen't to sleep.
Translation; he was afraid of it getting out of his control and not being able to stop it.
This morning when I woke up, I began thinking about what he said. I thought to myself, how true it is that I am just the same way sometimes. I tell God that I don't want to do this or that with my reasons being that I don't know how or that I'm scared. Well, to tell the truth, whenever God asks me to do something, I'm always scared. Not the fear that frightens me but heightens my reverence for God. The creator of the universe has asked me to do something for Him. What a high calling!
I argue that I don't know how to pull the brake if things go the wrong way. Human tendency is that if we don't feel like we have control of something, it's going to result in catastrophe. But that is just my point. God has to be the one in control. Though it goes against our very nature to sit back and let him handle the affairs of our lives, that is precisely what God wants us to do. Sit back and let Him handle it. We don't have to know how....He does. And He'll show us what to do when it's time to do it.
I would rather live my life out of control that God would take control. What seems absurd and illogical in my natural world, makes perfect sense in God's.
I must learn to trust that God will apply the brake when needed. I just need to learn to trust Him.